sunk without hope in a haze of good dope and cheap wine .
fill in the blanksbasics
1. name: anna
2. birthday: 15th march
3. favorite color: orangee
4. lucky number: 5
5. height: 5’7 :ctalents
1. last dream you remember: this morningi dreamt about my ex and all of her fucking marianne love
2. can you juggle: sort of, badly
3. art/sports/both: art, unless it’s compared to yoga, in which case yoga. but i dont do any other sport.
4. do you like writing: i used to write a lot and i miss it. i wrote a little bit the other day and it was woooooowww
5. do you like dancing: in my bedroom
6. do you like singing: ofcfantasize
1. dream vacation: american road trip *-*
3. dream guy/gal: someone mysterious and sweet and brunette
4. dream wedding: hippie forest lots of lace and friends and vegan food
5. dream pet: ALL THE DOGS
6. dream job: probably… something involving analysing international relations. not that i want to do that. but if i could then it’d be great. maybe i could be a peace and conflict theorist. i’d like to work in palestine.favorites
1. favorite song: i don’t know really. um lady grinning soul by bowie, also i’m obsessed with the kills cover of dreams.
2. favorite album: i can’t! i have different albums for different things go away
3. favorite artist: well it depends if you wanna get technical or not. it’s something like david bowie or annie lennox or… the kills… or… something
4. last song you heard on the radio: the radio is on right now and it’s playing some song about ‘freeeeee fallliiiinngg’
5. least favorite song: there are so many
6. least favorite album: no idea
7. least favorite artist: lana del rey, she gives me anxiety attacks
1. guys/girls/both: i can’t stop falling in love with girls
2. hair color: mmmmm dark hair please
3. eye color: any colour as long as it’s intense
4. humorous/serious: i dont mind seriousness
5. taller/shorter: i keep ending up with short people but i don’t really care. i think i’d get jealous if they were taller than me though :/
6. biggest turn-off: grossness, arrogance, shallowness
7. biggest turn-on: SWEETNESS <3 and intelligence, and passion
"I, and I think most others, have seen the stereotype of someone with BPD. They’re the psycho girlfriend, the narcissistic mother, the drama queen. Yet those descriptions do not resonate with my experience with BPD. I don’t explode irrationally at the people around me at the drop of a hat. I don’t scream and throw tantrums.
I silently implode when I’m faced with my deepest fears, abandonment and rejection. When I feel abandoned, a chasm opens up inside of me that I desperate try to fill with anything around me. I’ve tried everything from drugs to Jesus to occupy the maw that threatens to swallow me whole.
I am not manipulative in order to feel powerful. I plan every sentence, every action to control the perception people maintain of me in order to avoid losing them. I, a blank mass of nothingness, form myself like plaster into the mold I think the people around me wish to see.
Having nothing of myself it is not my true personage that cracks the plaster of my constructed self but rather the fear that my form is wrong, not enough to ensure the presence of the people I made myself for.
My insecurities and constant need for validation is what leaks from me until the force of it is enough to break the dam holding my emotions back and after that moment, shallow shell that I am, I am revealed.
When I am revealed, I am left and my savior becomes Satan. With every relationship, the cycle repeats itself like my morning routine.
I think BPD gets a bad name. I think the perception of BPD reduces those who suffer from it to two dimensional, horrible people that are undeserving of love and compassion.
While we can’t hide behind mental illness like a shield against all criticisms, we deserve a measure of understanding. Ultimately we have to take responsibility for the actions BPD sets into motion. We have to learn ways to intercept ourselves before we complete the task of self-destruction.
That also means that while we try to find those points to intercept ourselves, to learn how to manage the tidal wave of emotions that roll over us and shift directions mid-wave, we deserve people who are patient.
There’s been a lot of anger, a lot of fear, a lot of splitting but I’ve found people that won’t allow me to cast them in black and white. They won’t let me run away from my actions or convince myself that everyone secretly hates me.
Yet they also know [when] say “I fucked up and I’m sorry,” that I mean it and I really am trying.
TLDR; I’m really fortunate.”
This sounds a hell of a lot more like me than most BPD posts that I find here